As soon as a young man begins the ritual of dating females, he becomes susceptible to a dark and evil ability that all women are born with: The Look.
Women usually give their significant others ‘the look’ when the man has done something wrong or said some flippant offhanded remark. With that said, men everywhere who have been in a stable relationship with a female for more than three weeks can be affected by this blood freezing ability.
Usually the look only affects the actual man that the female is involved with, but I know from first hand experience that men who are friends of the man getting the look can sometimes be affected as well, typically to a much lesser degree.
Women Wiki does not have any mention of this dangerous ability all women have. Yep, I looked.
The Look – An Ability All Women Have
Sadly, I have also seen male pets and male nonpets affected by the look.
In fact one time, while at my parent’s lake house several years ago, there was a squirrel outside the sliding glass door on the deck. He was just minding his own business doing what squirrels do when the bird feeder has been filled with black sunflower seeds. I got the look while I was inside the house but standing in front of the glass door.
Of course when I got the look I immediately cringed and turned away to lessen the devastating affect. While doing so I glanced out the glass door and saw the poor squirrel pass out. He just flopped over on his side and laid there for almost five minutes!
When the squirrel finally got up and walked away he did so with a severe limp. Usually when a homo-sapien man absorbs the full assault of the look the various physical and emotional affects will last anywhere from several seconds to three minutes. But that poor squirrel couldn’t weigh more than a couple pounds, so he was lucky he didn’t just disintegrate.
Men Never Learn How To Actually Avoid The Look
Anyway, earlier today I got the look yet again. You would think I would learn to keep my mouth shut, but no…I’m stupid. Of course it was my own fault that I brought this doom upon myself, but because I’m a man I never know any better at the time. Hindsight is a harsh mistress.
The conversation between myself and Nancy was routine for the most part, but soon turned to the subject of house chores. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I’m sure it was something about she being the woman of the house and “such and such chores are for the woman to do”.
At the time I said that unwise remark I was walking away towards another room and about to enter the hallway that would take me out of Nancy’s sight. I made a rookie mistake of looking over my shoulder at her when I was hit with the look.
Luckily, as I mentioned just a moment before, I was heading into the hallway and my forward momentum carried me out of Nancy’s blistering sight just before the full paralyzing affect of the look could be bored into my soul with her laser beam eyes. I was very lucky, as the duration of her ‘look’ only affected one of my testicles with a numbing feeling that went away after thirty seconds.
Live To Learn With The Look? Good Luck With That!
Live and learn, guys… live and learn. Don’t let your inner voice say things aloud, even if you’re just joking like I had been. I of course apologized later and thanked her for not using all of her ‘look powers’ (pretty sure she held back a little) and was given permission to go North this coming weekend to enjoy the Great Outdoors. Perhaps I will go fishing or for a hike. Maybe both.
P.s. Ever wonder what Deer Camp is all about? Here’s another fun one to read: What Is Deer Camp About!?